Suddenly, after 10 minutes of wretched acting and dialogue comparable to an Al Gore speech with explosions, I found myself alternating between dozing off and counting the bars on the isle divider. Thoughts of gummy bears danced before my glazed-over pupils that were locked on a corner of the giant screen where I swore a little fly was residing on Anakin Skywalker's forehead. (This was before Natalie Portman launches into her doe-eyed anti-war mantra and the whole underlying liberal theme that presents itself about halfway through the film. )

As I'm watching this insult to any Star Wars fan, I began to devise a plan to choke myself with my shoe, or at least get a refund from the box office. The morbid realization set in about an hour through the 2.5 hour film that death was the only escape from this torturous piece of Sega Genesis-esque film. Thoughts of my family and loved ones flashed before my eyes (which had trouble adjusting due to the constant shaking and movement of the camera, coupled with the buzzy flash of light sabers...talk about Pokemon seizures...) I started laughing to myself because it's true: Death is always a viable option to sitting through a long, uber-boring film where Samuel L. Jackson is simply Samuel L. Jackson running around in pajamas.

The one high point of the acting was Chewbacca's part: incoherent grunts and screeches while jumping around in an excitable fashion. The actor that played Chewy should get a frickin' award compared to other performances in this film. I also must say that Anakin Skywalker's performance upped tremendously once they suited him up in the last 5 minutes and all he had to do was breathe through a mask.